Stepping Stones

When you're a little girl and you dream of meeting your Prince Charming, having the perfect wedding and becoming a mother, you're filled with the innocence of childhood and the complete obliviousness to any imperfections or mishaps that come with life. And thank God for that. Thank God that at one point in our lives we were oblivious to the real world. Thank God that at one point in our lives nothing was tainted and the worst thing we had to worry about was having to eat our vegetables and take a nap. Because as you get older, you quickly find out that Prince Charming may exist....but he is human. That your perfect wedding can be possible, but not without family drama and ending up with some poorly taken photos. And last but not least, that becoming a mother will come easy or without tears shed, grey hair, zits you haven't seen since puberty and patience....lots of patience.

Oh Isaiah, my sweet first born Isaiah. My handsome, witty, inteligent, quirky, determined Isaiah. He changed my world, he really did, for the better. But he has also completely rocked my world sideways. When you're a little girl playing with those dolls, feeding them their little plastic bottle, changing their fake diapers and putting them in their bed as you run off to do something else....no one ever prepares you for the day you'll really feed them and they'll throw up all over you, you'll end up with diahrrea up their back and all over you at the grocery store, or the endless sleepless nights. Those things suck, but I can handle them. But no one ever prepares you for a four year old that just will not give-in and has to have the last say in everything all while giving you the look with more attitude than a teenage girl. I love him, I truly do, but man, he's exhausting!!

I picked Isaiah up from preschool the other day and his teacher said "We had a rough day today. He just really had a hard time listening to instruction." And I thought to myself "Isaiah? Not listen? No!" (Note the sarcasm). But she also told me that he is extremely smart and a loving and fun kid, but he is just strong willed. Strong willed is an understatement for Isaiah. Every day, without fail, he fights me to do everything. Get dressed? Nope, he wants to be naked. Brush his teeth? Nope, he wants his teeth to fall out of his head. Put a jacket on? Nope, he would rather freeze. Defiant does not do him justice. And it is hard. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life raising that sweet boy. But I know, I know in my heart that someday I will look back and be thankful for where this experience will take me.

In the end, I think his determination and strong will will end up being a good thing for him, but as a toddler it is one of the most frustrating things to deal with. That's why I am convinced that is the reason God made them so cute. Why God gives you moments like when he curls up next to me on the couch and says he just wants to cuddle. Moments like when he tells me he loves me, or when I watch him giggle so innocently at the movie he's watching. Or when he hugs his sister so sweetly and says "I love you my cutie pie." These moments are my stepping stones. They help me wade through the hard, frustrating times to find my way to the truth. That I am blessed, so very, very blessed to be these kids' mom. No matter how hard it may be, I know the truth. I could not be any luckier.

Moments like these: